Wednesday, January 12, 2011





For the past three days, I've been holed up in my condo with my two besties and my two pets, hiding from the blizzard that has ravaged the South. Naturally, three consecutive snow days practically beg for several consecutive batches of margaritas. (See below for our special recipe.)

As I was bringing my glass to my mouth to enjoy my first (of quite a few) frozen margs, I was shocked when Paddington, who had been peacefully curled with his head in my lap on the couch, lifted his head and stuck his snout directly in my goblet and began to eagerly lap up the tequila-laced margarita.

At that point, there wasn't much to do except quickly pull the glass away and laugh, accepting that fact that my dog has a taste for tequila.

Lauren's Special Margaritas

1 package Minute Maid frozen lime juice
1 bottle Corona Light
2-3 shots of tequila, (preferably top shelf, of course)
1/2 blender full of ice

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Nose Hairs

To my seven (official) followers, I apologize. It has been inexcusably long since I have written. Unfortunately for my little blog, the holiday season in retail has not been good to my creative juices; instead of leaving me with funny, lighthearted anecdotes to share, it left me feeling frustrated and bereft.

But it's over now... and I'm back!

I hope that the following story will be a small pick-me-up for all of you. It certainly gave me a much-needed belly laugh.

Today, I stood at the front of the women's clothing store I work at, putting out some replenishment merchandise after a harrowing holiday season. My team of co-workers has long since decided that I am the best at handling the husband/boyfriend/lover/brother/father demographic, so when I saw a 30-something man walk in the door, I braced myself for the project ahead.

I greeted him, and he briefly skirted the front of the store on his own, seemingly scoping out his prospects. I approached him, asking if he needed any help.

"Yeah, do you have a mirror?" was the response my question elicited.

"Um, sure... Right back there," I said, pointing as I did so to the floor-to-ceiling mirror at the back of the store.

Apparently feeling the need to explain himself, he said, "Thanks, I think I've got something in my nose." He then proceeded to take a few steps in the direction of the mirror before turning back to me, asking "Do I?" and lifting his nose to the air for my inspection, evidently deciding that crossing the store was too much of a trek.

Now, in my four years in retail, I've been subjected to some strange things. I've dealt with more than one kind of bodily fluid, I've helped a 90 year-old woman try on and purchase a camisole and I've had a pair of pants thrown at me. But never before have I had to inspect anyone's nose for foreign objects.

Naturally, I was a bit taken aback.

Unfortunately though, it's January, and anyone in retail will tell you that this is the time of year when you will do just about anything for a good sale. And usually, a husband/boyfriend/lover/brother/father equals a good sale. And so, without getting too close, I peered up into the man's nose.

Fortunately, I saw nothing but nose hairs.

"I don't see anything, Sir, but you are welcome to use the mirror to investigate further," was all I could say and manage to keep a straight face.

However, he (and his nose) seemed satisfied with my response, and he went on to tell me that he wanted to surprise his girlfriend with an outfit to wear for a party they plan to attend tomorrow evening.

I will spare you the details of the rest of our interaction, as it took approximately an hour and was filled with comments like the following:

"I mean, she's got a real good figure. I'm talking 36" 26" 42" " and "She's a size 2, but she's got a ghetto booty on her. I like it though, don't get me wrong" and 'They come out to about here."

All this to say, I'll be going to sleep tonight wondering if having to look into a middle-aged man's nose was worth the $117 I eventually convinced him to spend. I just hope the imminent Snowpacolypse doesn't keep her from wearing that outfit.

...But if for nothing else, I think it was definitely worth the belly laugh.